


you're the last best thing i've got going

by mylifeiskara



Series: t100 Fic for BLM Prompts [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Rough Home Situation, Mentions of Substance Abuse and Addiction, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26149429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeiskara/pseuds/mylifeiskara
Summary: For Murphy, it's always been him and Raven against the world. No matter what life throws at him, he always knows Raven will be by his side. He just hopes things stay the same when they cross over into more-than-friends territory.
Relationships: John Murphy/Raven Reyes
Series: t100 Fic for BLM Prompts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105646
Comments: 29
Kudos: 56
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redstorms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstorms/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know I'm self-proclaimed Memori trash, but I'm shaking things up with this Murven piece I was prompted for [t100 Fic for BLM](https://t100fic-for-blm.tumblr.com/). I have a bigger Murven thing in the works for very far in the future, but I figured doing a smaller thing first would be fun too!
> 
> The prompt was just Murven based on [Dance Music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmDuhMPanm4) by The Mountain Goats, and this is what I came up with.
> 
> And special thanks to [animmortalist](https://animmortalist.tumblr.com/) for being my encouraging beta on this fic!

Murphy sits against his bedroom door, his head leaned back against the wood. He closes his eyes, as if that’s going to block out the shouting coming from downstairs. Heated epithets of “fucking bitch” and “miserable piece of shit” from two parents that should have gotten divorced the minute his mom decided she was going to take the job in Arkadia.

John Murphy hadn’t always had an unhappy childhood. From what he could remember, the first six years of his life were absolute bliss. He had a mother and father who loved him, and from what he could tell they seemed happy together, too. Things changed that year. His mom got a job that moved them all the way across the country from Virginia to California, uprooting them from any family and friends they had ever known. Not that Murphy minded much. He was only six, and sure he cried when he had to leave his friends, but his mom assured him he would make new ones when they got to Arkadia.

The fights began about a month after the move. His dad wasn’t happy, was resentful of his mom’s ambition and took it out on her. Murphy wanted nothing more than for the screaming matches to stop. He was little and didn’t understand what was going on, just knew that the fights kept him up at night. And he started falling asleep in class.

Murphy’s first friend at his new school was his desk partner, Raven Reyes. When he would inevitably drift off in class, Raven would shake him awake before the teacher noticed. One day she went so far as to bring an extra soda for him at lunch time so he’d stay awake for the rest of the day. They became practically inseparable after that, always finding ways to help each other out. Murphy was merciless to anyone who tried to pick on Raven for her leg brace, and he let her cry on his shoulder when her dad left. Sometimes Murphy wished his dad would just leave. Then maybe things would be easier.

Murphy and Raven were constantly helping each other through problems. For his eighth birthday, Raven got Murphy a CD player. They sat in his room as he plugged it in, and she pulled him into a dance once they put in a disc. She told him when things got tough her favorite thing to do was to drown everything out by turning her music up and dancing alone in her room. They danced together until Raven’s mom came to get her and after that they spent many an afternoon in each other’s rooms, listening to music and enjoying each other’s company. It was a momentary escape from the noise of the rest of the world, their safe haven together.

Now they’re seniors in high school and practically inseparable. Murphy can’t imagine what his school years would have looked like without Raven by his side. She’s his best friend, and he loves her. Maybe a little too much, but that’s not something he wants to get into.

Tired of listening to the screams, Murphy sends Raven a text, simply the flamenco dancer emoji. She sends a thumbs up back, knowing what it means. She’ll be over soon. While he waits, Murphy tidies up his room, picking up a few books off the floor and stacking them neatly on his desk. He turns up the music to drown out his parents, then lies back on his bed, tapping his hands to the beat until he hears a knock on his window.

The best thing about being older now is that Murphy and Raven have found it much easier to sneak over to each other’s houses in the middle of the night when they need each other. Murphy worried that Raven would have trouble climbing up to his room with her leg, but she scoffed and said she could handle it when he brought it up. Thankfully it wasn’t that far a climb.

A grin spreads across Murphy’s face as he goes to the window to let her in. He pulls the window up and grabs her hands as she shimmies inside.

“How has nobody ever called the cops on your parents? They’re not necessarily quiet,” Raven asks in greeting.

Murphy shrugs. “I think someone called the cops on them when I was younger. I don’t super remember it now. But they’ve been quieter since then.”

Raven kicks off her shoes and hops onto Murphy’s bed. She’s always been one to make herself comfortable, and Murphy chuckles as he moves to sit at his desk chair. Lately he’s felt like he has to put distance between himself and Raven. It’s a strange feeling to be into your best friend. He has no clue how she feels about him, and he doesn’t want to make things weird by assuming anything could happen between them. Murphy’s pretty sure he’s not even Raven’s type anyway.

“So what do you need tonight? Talk or distraction?” she asks once she’s settled.

“Distraction,” Murphy decides.

“Did you finish your English paper?”

He snorts. “You know the answer to that is no.”

“Murphy! It’s due on Friday. Have you started it, at least?”

“It’s not like this is necessarily a productive work environment. What with people screaming at each other all throughout the evening.”

“Well if you wanna come over to my house tomorrow for some quiet, you can. My mom’s working late and she wouldn’t mind. She thinks you’re a good influence on me.”

“That’s stupid. You’re a much better student than I am. I mean, you got into Stanford early decision.”

“She’s thinking more about the fact that you don’t go to crazy parties and shit like that.”

Murphy nods. He’s never been one to be social. He’s fine hanging out with one or two friends, but crowds have never really been his thing. The only times that Murphy and Raven seem to be apart are when Raven goes to parties on the weekend. She’s tried to convince him to come with her, but he usually finds some sort of excuse and declines. He almost wishes he _did_ go to those parties, because half the time that’s where Raven is hooking up with people. He wonders if that would happen if he were there. Would she hook up with him? Or would she still just be content to keep their friendship the way it is? He doesn’t like to think about it too long or a pit of jealousy forms in his stomach.

‘When Did Your Heart Go Missing’ by Rooney starts playing through Murphy’s speaker, and a smile lights up Raven’s face. She jumps up and walks toward him, hands outstretched.

“Dance with me,” she says simply.

He chuckles and lets her drag him to the middle of his room. This is a fairly normal occurrence when they hang out. One of them will get in their head about something, and the other will snap them out of it by pulling them in for a dance.

Murphy lets the sound of the music overtake him, as he watches Raven sway her hips. He loses himself momentarily in the motion but eventually snaps himself out of it and dances himself. They spin each other, laughing as they have to catch themselves after getting dizzy. Murphy loves watching Raven in these moments, unencumbered by sadness or stress. Her eyes sparkle in a way they almost never do. She smiles up at him, and they lock eyes. They’ve stopped swaying now, and they’re holding each other close. It’s different from normal, not the way they usually hold each other.

Murphy doesn’t think he imagines Raven’s eyes drift to his lips. He feels his heart speeding up in his chest and he hopes she doesn’t notice. He can barely hear the music anymore, the only thing he’s focused on is Raven. He’s not sure who leans in, but the next thing he knows, his lips are touching hers. It’s a brief peck, barely a kiss at all. Murphy’s face heats up as they pull apart, but Raven takes his face in her hands and kisses him again, this time much more sure of herself.

After recovering from the initial shock of actually kissing Raven, Murphy allows himself to get lost in the new sensation. Their mouths are pressed together, and Raven becomes more insistent, though Murphy is happy to comply. She pulls him back so that they fall onto his bed. She takes the lead, which Murphy is happy to let her do, slipping her tongue into his mouth, causing him to let out a quiet moan. His hands roam from her hips, sliding lower until one is on her butt, something he never imagined actually getting to do. She sighs at the touch, and Murphy is thrilled this is happening.

They make out lazily, with no real destination or reason to go further, and Murphy is silently thanking every higher being he wasn’t sure existed until this moment. They kiss to the music that’s long forgotten, all of the troubles on Murphy’s mind completely nonexistent. After a while, Raven pushes Murphy onto his back. He lets out a surprised chuckle as she straddles him and leans back in to kiss him again.

They don’t get much further than that because unfortunately Murphy’s father comes in unannounced.

“John, how many times have I told you to turn your damn music down?” he asks, not bothering to knock as he enters.

Murphy and Raven spring apart, both out of breath and embarrassed.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you had company.”

“Hi, Mr. Murphy,” Raven says sheepishly.

“Go home, Raven.”

She nods, quickly putting her shoes back on and walking out Murphy’s bedroom door this time.

Murphy stares down at the ground, but he can feel his dad’s eyes as if they’re burrowing into his soul. They sit in silence until they hear the front door click behind Raven.

“So how long has that been going on?” his dad asks.

“It hasn’t,” Murphy responds.

“How are you going to say that when I just walked in on you two?”

“It’s not like it’s a lie, it was a new occurrence.”

“Did you at least finish your homework?”

Murphy nods, willing this conversation to be over.

“Good. Don’t get that girl pregnant, she’s got too much going for her. And turn your music down.”

With that, his dad shuts the door again. Murphy lets out a groan and flops back on his bed. His mind briefly wanders to what might have happened had his dad not walked in on him and Raven, but he quickly decides they probably wouldn’t have gotten much further than making out. Which would have been fine with Murphy. He’s only worried that because of the interruption they might not get a chance to do it again. And that’s the last thing Murphy wants. He knows Raven doesn’t always like to talk about her feelings; she usually leaves that to Murphy. But they at least have to talk about this. As much as he’d love to step over into this territory with her, he doesn’t want to lose his best friend.

Murphy is a bundle of nerves as he walks into the school building the next morning. He has no idea how this conversation with Raven is going to go, and he can’t decide which outcome is worse. She could say that she just wants to be friends and keep things the same, or she could be open to exploring whatever this is. And both options make Murphy extremely nervous. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, so he assumes the worst, so he can only be pleasantly surprised.

He finds her at her locker as she transfers notebooks from her backpack. He takes a deep breath and approaches her cautiously.

“Hey,” he says once he’s near her.

She looks up at his voice. She smiles at him, which is maybe a good sign.

“Hey yourself,” she answers.

They stare at each other for a moment, neither of them sure what to say. Murphy feels the heat rise to his cheeks and he wishes he could find the right words to say ‘I love you’ without going that deep.

“I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble last night,” Raven finally says.

Murphy shakes his head. “Nah. I think my dad was more pissed that the music was up so loud, honestly. But then again, that’s his fault.”

Raven chuckles. “Fair enough.”

They lapse into silence again, and for once it’s not comfortable like normal. Murphy almost wishes the kiss last night hadn’t happened. If this was how they were going to act for the rest of time, it was more of a mistake than he’d originally thought.

Murphy goes for it. “We should talk about last night, shouldn’t we?”

Unfortunately, the bell rings signaling for people to head to class.

Raven reaches up and kisses him on the cheek. “Come to my window later?”

He nods, slightly in shock from the cheek kiss. Raven smiles and heads down the hall to her first period class.

Murphy doesn’t talk to Raven for the rest of the day, which is definitely both a blessing and a curse. It’s probably good that he doesn’t have the distraction of looking at her, but the distraction of thinking about her is still very real. He barely pays attention in chemistry, which his lab partner most definitely does not appreciate.

He sees her from afar at lunch. They don’t always sit together, since Murphy tends to sit with his friend Bellamy, and Raven normally sits with some of the people in her AP classes. Murphy stares in the direction of her lunch table. She’s laughing with Echo and Harper, throwing her head back at something Monty said. It’s weird to watch her light up this way from afar. Usually Murphy gets to see it up close. He hopes this doesn’t start some new sort of weird vibe between the two of them. He really wishes they could have talked about this before classes started.

“Hey!” Bellamy says, waving a hand in front of Murphy’s face. “Snap out of it, you can’t just stare at people.”

Murphy turns to look at his friend. Bellamy tends to have his nose in a book during lunch, but he actually seems to be paying attention to his surroundings today.

“Sorry.”

“You look more lovesick than usual. What’s up with you?”

Murphy lets out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, well me and Raven kind of kissed last night.”

Bellamy’s eyes bug out of his head. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction.”

“Did she kiss you, or did you kiss her?”

“I’m not really sure, we both kind of leaned in at the same time.”

Bellamy nods, taking in this new information. Murphy’s unsure how to take his silence.

“So what do you think it means?” he wonders aloud.

“I couldn’t tell you,” Murphy says with a snort.

“Well you’d better figure it out. You know Raven’s not one for serious.”

The pit returns to Murphy’s stomach at this reminder. Raven started freshman year of high school with a boyfriend. Finn. Murphy had always hated him, but at the time he just thought it was because he sucked, not because he had feelings for Raven. He always looked smug, as if he had some sort of secret he wasn’t going to let anyone in on. And Finn did turn out to suck, since he cheated on Raven with a girl from another school. Murphy remembers vividly holding Raven as she cried about it, one of the only times since they were little that she’s really broken down and shared all her feelings with him. She swore off boys for the rest of the year, but at the end of sophomore year when she started going to parties more, she got into the habit of casually hooking up with people. Romance wasn’t one of the topics Murphy and Raven normally broached, even as close as they are, but she does make off-handed comments about people she’s hooked up with.

And Bellamy would know better than anyone that Raven doesn’t do serious. They hooked up last year, and Murphy had a bit of a crisis when he found out. It’s the only reason that Bellamy knows how Murphy feels about Raven. Murphy had acted weird around Bellamy when he found out, and Bellamy confronted him about it. Once Bellamy knew how Murphy felt, he ended the arrangement, and neither he nor Raven seemed that pressed about it ending. And Bellamy’s reminder that Raven doesn’t like serious relationships only serves to make Murphy more nervous for the conversation that he has to have with her later. He’s not sure he can do anything but serious with her.

“I’m kind of wondering if the whole thing was a mistake,” Murphy rambles. “Maybe I should just tell her that.”

Bellamy frowns. “I don’t know if that’s the wording you should use.”

“Well I obviously wouldn’t say exactly that. But I don’t want this to completely change what we are to each other.”

“You just have to both make sure you’re on the same page. That you’d be getting the same thing out of the arrangement. Because if you’re not, one or both of you might end up unhappy.”

Murphy knows Bellamy is right. But that doesn’t mean he’s dreading the conversation any less. Sure, Raven seemed happy to see him and told him to come over later, but she had already invited him over to do homework the night before. It was probably just a reminder.

After dinner, Murphy shimmies out of his window and makes his way to Raven’s house. They don’t live that far away from each other, just one neighborhood over, so it’s always been easy for them to get back and forth. He knows the walk like the back of his hand, especially since they’ve been sneaking out to hang out with each other a lot more this year. Murphy thinks it’s because they’re seniors and not sure if they’re going to be in the same place next year. Raven’s already gotten into Stanford. Murphy has decent grades, but it’s still a reach for him. He applied to some other places in state, too. He’s been putting the whole college thing out of his mind, now that applications are out of the way. He doesn’t need that stress on his life when his personal life is currently stressing him out as much as it is.

He walks around to the side of the house where Raven’s bedroom window is, and climbs the trellis up to the roof landing. He sees her on her bed, face scrunched up in concentration,laptop in front of her as she types away at some assignment. Murphy smiles, warmth flooding his chest at her looking so focused. He eventually knocks to get her attention. She looks up, laughs, then comes to the window to let him in.

“My mom’s not home, you could’ve come through the front door,” she reminds him.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he says as he comes inside. He shuts the window behind him and throws down his backpack.

He’s taken aback by how quickly Raven pounces on him, kissing him immediately. He wraps his arms around her waist as their lips move together, as easily as they did the night before.

He pulls away after a moment, a frown on his face.

“What’s the matter?” Raven asks.

“I thought we were gonna do homework.”

Raven laughs. “Seriously, Murphy? You’d rather do homework right now?”

Murphy’s face heats up as he realizes how stupid he probably sounds. He leans in to kiss Raven again. She turns them around so Murphy walks backward and ends up sitting on the bed. She sits in his lap as they continue to make out. For a moment, Murphy’s brain short circuits, as he allows himself to memorize Raven’s touch in a way he never thought he’d get to experience. Unfortunately, Bellamy’s nagging voice makes its way back into his head, and he pulls away again.

Raven lets out something like a whine as he breaks contact, and Murphy is in shock that he’s the reason she made that sound. He’s an idiot, but he knows he’ll feel like more of an idiot if he came all the way over here just for them not to have a conversation about this.

“I think maybe we should slow down,” Murphy says, his voice husky.

Raven frowns. “Do you not want to?”

“No, I do! But the thing is, I’ve wanted to for a while, I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Me too.”

Murphy raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Dude, don’t tell me how I feel.”

“Well then tell me how you feel.”

Raven sighs, shifting so she’s sitting beside Murphy, rather than on his lap. He misses the contact, but it’s for the best that they take a moment to figure this out.

“You’re my best friend,” she starts. “But I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t maybe feel like there might be something else between us.”

Murphy’s heart races as she says that. Never in his wildest dreams did he think Raven Reyes would like him back. But here she is admitting it to him.

“I like you, too,” Murphy admits. “I’ve liked you for a really long time, but I didn’t want to say anything and ruin what we have.”

Raven places a reassuring hand on his leg. “Nothing can ruin what we have. You’re too special to me. I won’t let it.”

Murphy lets out a soft chuckle and shakes his head. “You don’t know that.”

“Well I know how I feel, and now I know how you feel.”

He turns to look at her. She’s looking at him in a way she’s never looked at him before. He almost can’t place what he sees in her eyes. A mixture of something soft, but filled with desire. He’s still not quite sure this is real.

“But what if it’s a mistake?” he asks, almost in a whisper.

“We won’t let it be,” she says simply. “And hasn’t it felt like this was always bound to happen between us at some point?”

Murphy nods, eyes flicking back to Raven’s lips. They’re so close, he can feel her breath on his skin. He’s sure he wants to kiss her, and he’s sure he wants this, but there’s something in the back of his head that’s still holding him back. Maybe it’s Bellamy’s ears about her not wanting anything serious ringing in his head, maybe it’s his own insecurities.

He knows they don’t have to figure everything out right in this minute, but he feels like they should talk for a little bit longer. But the rational part of his brain seems to be losing out, because he leans back in, closing the distance between them, much more sure of himself. He wants this, and she does too. He lets himself live in the moment, not thinking about what’s going to happen to them in a few months when they’ll inevitably have to move away from each other, when everything changes. Murphy’s a month shy of eighteen and he’s not sure of much, but he’s never been more sure about what he feels for Raven. He swallows his doubts and puts all of his certainty into the kiss, opening his mouth to deepen it as they lie back on her bed, the rest of the world forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! I'd love to know what you think. 
> 
> The plan is for this to be three chapters, but no more than five if it ends up getting out of hand. Not super sure when I'll get more of this out, but it's higher up on my priority list, since it was a prompt.
> 
> And if you liked this, and want to prompt me something for the initiative, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)! I write Bellarke, Memori, or au Murven.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Just wanted to take a moment to note that based off this chapter, I've updated the tags on this story since I initially posted, so please check those out before reading. They aren't things that Murphy or Raven are experiencing personally, but it felt important to mention them going in.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy this next part!

Murphy routinely has to pinch himself as a reminder that this thing he’s got going with Raven is actually happening and not just some crazy dream he can’t seem to wake up from. It’s been a month since the night in his bedroom when they first kissed, and he couldn’t be happier about the development. Things remain much the same, except now when they’re hanging out, Murphy can reach over and kiss Raven whenever he wants a homework break, and she’s always happy to comply. He doesn’t throw around the word perfect a lot, but that’s kind of how this arrangement is feeling.

There’s still one issue. They haven’t exactly labeled what it is they are to each other. It’s not for lack of trying, on Murphy’s part. But every time he tries to talk about it, Raven kisses him and he gets distracted. It’s a great distraction, so he doesn’t say anything. He’s toeing the line, afraid to say something that upsets the arrangement they have. He wants to keep doing whatever this is with Raven. He would love if they were something more official, but he’s fine with the way they are now. He’ll take Raven whatever way she’ll have him. But there’s still a little voice in the back of his mind telling him that they’re not necessarily on the same page.

For the most part, Murphy has stopped talking about the matter with Bellamy, because Bellamy has made it very clear where he stands on the situation. He thinks it’s a bad idea that they haven’t exactly defined what they are to each other, and he thinks it’s going to end badly when they realize they don’t have the same idea of what’s going on. Murphy knows he’s just being a good friend, and doesn’t want to see Murphy hurt, but Raven is his best friend. She wouldn’t hurt him. He trusts her, and at least he knows that they both don’t want to lose each other.

Murphy’s favorite moments with Raven are on the weekends. Even though she’s not technically his ‘girlfriend’, they’ve started doing more activities that most people would consider dates. They go to the movies, sometimes making out in the back rather than paying attention. They get ice cream and walk around the park near their houses. If someone were on the outside looking in, they’d think Murphy and Raven were a couple. If Murphy doesn’t think about it too hard, he can stop for a moment and pretend they’re a couple. Sure, they did a bunch of these things when they were just friends without the kissing, but now Raven actually lets Murphy pay sometimes.

It’s a Saturday night and they’re sitting on the beach on a blanket with McDonald’s bags in between the two of them. It’s chilly, so nobody’s in the water, but there are a few people with the same idea as them, scattered around the sand. Murphy watches Raven as the sun sets. She looks out into the ocean as she chews absentmindedly on her french fries. Murphy can’t help the way his heart skips a beat, which is ridiculous since she’s literally just sitting there. But she’s beautiful, and Murphy is still in awe that she even gives him the time of day.

Eventually she turns and catches him looking at her. He ducks his head, glad that the quickly setting sun covers up his face going red.

“What?” she asks with a grin on her face.

“Nothing, you’re just pretty,” Murphy says.

She laughs, peals that sound like bells, the most beautiful sound Murphy has ever heard.

“Shut up, you just want me to kiss you.”

“I mean, yeah. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.”

Raven’s face softens at this, as she scoots over, leaning into Murphy’s space so she can press a kiss to his lips. It’s softer than usual, but still full of the promise for more with time. Murphy breaks the kiss to move their trash over so they have more of the blanket to lie back. Raven pulls him back on top of her, her touch more insistent, something Murphy can’t say he minds.

For as much as they’ve made out over the past month, they haven’t gotten much further than that. It’s not that Murphy doesn’t want to. He really does. But he’s worried about going further with Raven before being completely sure what they are to each other. At this point it’s kind of his own fault for not pushing a bit harder on them having more of a discussion, but he’s had some trouble focusing. Every time she’s near him now, he gets lost in her eyes, her lips, her smell. She’s intoxicating, and Murphy would be annoyed if he weren’t enjoying it so much.

He pulls away from Raven’s lips, moving to kiss down her neck, drawing that moan he likes so much out of her. Her hands roam down his body, until she reaches the zipper on his pants. He stiffens as she starts to fiddle with it.

Raven frowns. “What’s wrong?”

“I mean, we’re so out in the open.”

“We could go back to the car, if you want.”

Murphy laughs. “It’s a miracle my dad let me borrow the car in the first place, I don’t think we should push our luck.”

Raven nods, rolling so she’s out from underneath Murphy. She sits up, readjusting her clothes. She doesn’t say anything, and Murphy’s worried he’s messed up somehow.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“You just keep finding convenient reasons to stop us before things go too far. Almost like you don’t want to.”

“Believe me, Raven. I do. I’m just nervous.”

“What is there to be nervous about?”

Murphy’s face heats up. “I mean, I’ve never done this before.”

Raven’s eyes widen a little at that. “You mean you’ve never had sex?”

“Come on, are you really that surprised?”

“I don’t know, I just thought you didn’t want to talk about it to be polite.”

Murphy shrugs. “Well I haven’t. And I’m not waiting or think that it needs to be special or some shit like that. I just haven’t yet.”

“That’s okay,” Raven says. “We can figure it out.”

“I want to. And I would like to with you. But even though I don’t think that it has to be this big special thing, I know what it would mean to me if you were my first. And I don’t want it to mean more to me than it does to you.”

“It would mean something to me, Murphy.”

Murphy turns to look in Raven’s eyes. He sees the sincerity there, and he takes solace in that. He’s important to her, he knows he is. But he knows he’ll feel better when he brings up what’s really on his mind.

“I think that I’m not always sure where we stand, because I don’t really know what this is that we’re doing,” he admits, turning his head back to watch the waves. “Like what are we to each other?”

“We’re friends,” Raven says simply.

He snorts. “Just friends, Raven? Is that really all this is?”

“Well we’re friends that do other things. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend. That’s never gonna change.”

“But do you do other things with other guys? Or just me?”

“I’m not hooking up with anyone else. And I don’t want to.”

Murphy nods, at least glad he’s gotten that confirmation from Raven.

“Do you need more than that?” she asks after a minute.

He takes a breath and finally says the thing that’s been on his mind. “Do you ever see us being anything other than friends?”

“Like boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

She sighs, and Murphy feels his heart break a little at that. “I don’t know, Murphy. I mean what’s the point in labeling it? We date for a few months, then it’s time to go away to school, and what then? We just break up?”

“Who says we have to break up?”

“Do you really want to start college with a girlfriend at a different school?”

“I think it’d be worth it if it’s you.”

Raven looks at him and chuckles. “You just can’t help yourself with those lines, can you?”

“They’re not lines. It’s how I feel,” he says with a shrug.

“Well, you know how I am with relationships. I don’t really see the point, especially right now when everything’s about to change. But you know I like you, and you know that I’m not doing this with anyone else. Does that help answer your question at all?”

He nods, though the pit in his stomach deepens as he does. She smiles then leans in to press a kiss to his lips. Once she pulls away, she turns to check her phone.

“Hmm, it’s almost curfew. We should probably start heading back.”

Murphy grunts as he stands up, stretching out his limbs before helping Raven up and gathering their stuff. If he’s a bit more subdued on the ride home, Raven either doesn’t notice or just doesn’t comment on it.

She leans over to give him one last kiss as he drops her off at her house.

“Text me when you get home?” she says.

“Yeah,” he answers.

She gets out of the car, and Murphy waits until she’s all the way in the house before he drives off. He’s not sure he knows how to describe the weight he’s feeling after their conversation on the beach.

When he steps into the house, he’s surprised to find that it’s fairly quiet. His dad must have gone to bed. His mom is sitting at the kitchen table, her face in her hands. She looks up as Murphy comes inside.

“You weren’t waiting up for me, were you?” Murphy asks.

“No, I just didn’t feel like going upstairs right away,” his mom answers. “Did you have a nice time with Raven?”

“Yeah.” His mom never checks in like this, so he’s not sure what to make of this conversation.

“It’s nice that you two have each other. Someone you can always lean on no matter what.”

Murphy nods, not sure what more to say. What else _is_ there to say? He puts the keys down on the counter and starts to head up to his room.

“John, I hope you’re being respectful of her,” his mom adds as he begins to walk away.

“Yeah, Mom, I am.”

“And whatever you do, please be safe.”

“We’re not having sex, Mom.”

His mom raises an eyebrow at him. What is up with everyone thinking he’s having sex lately?

“Just promise me, please?”

“I promise,” he concedes. Anger starts to bubble, as he wonders why his mom chose this one moment to play the good parent. It’s not like she’s ever shown this much interest in his life before.

Murphy finally escapes to his room and lies back on his bed, recounting the events of the night. As much as Raven said she hoped her answers helped, Murphy’s not sure that they did. She might see this as something that has an expiration date, but Murphy still doesn’t understand why that has to be the case. It’s not like one day he’s just going to magically stop feeling this way about her. He pulls out his phone and texts her that he’s home. She immediately replies with a heart emoji. Murphy almost hates how his stomach dips at the message. He’s too far gone for her to do much about it. It’s not that he regrets moving into this new territory with Raven. He just wishes it had happened differently. Maybe one day he’ll work up the nerve to actually let her know how he feels about her. And hopefully before graduation.

A couple weeks pass, and Murphy doesn’t see Raven as much as he normally does. They’re usually inseparable, but lately they haven’t hung out much during the week. Even Murphy’s parents took notice, his dad even going so far as to ask where Raven had been. Truthfully, Murphy has no idea. They’re still in constant contact, what with seeing each other at school and she still texts him everyday. But ever since the beach, something is different, and Murphy can’t quite put his finger on what it is.

They’re sitting together at lunch on Friday, something they’ve only recently started doing. Murphy is talking about ideas for his English project, hoping that Raven will chime in and add her opinion to help him land on a topic. She doesn’t do that today, opting to stare into space as she eats her sandwich. Murphy frowns and waves a hand in front of her face.

“Earth to Raven,” he says.

She turns to look at him, though she only seems half-broken out of her trance.

“Is everything okay?”

Raven nods. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Well, usually when I tell you my project ideas, you tell me they’re bad and then try to fix them. But you haven’t heard a word I’ve said since we sat down.”

“Sorry. I’m just a little distracted.”

“Distracted with what?”

“It’s nothing to bother you with.”

“Is your mom okay?” Murphy pushes, though he knows she probably won’t say anything.

He doesn’t know much about Raven’s mom’s issues, but he knows that she’s been sober for the past few years. In an uncharacteristically vulnerable moment at the beginning of high school, Raven mentioned to Murphy that her mother had struggled with substance abuse on and off since her dad left. She didn’t go much into it, since she found it hard to talk about, but she brought it up to say she was glad her mom was finally getting help.

“She’s okay. This time of year is always weird for her, since it’s around when my dad left, but it seems like she’s coping better than usual. She really just throws herself into work.”

“You know you can talk to me about that stuff if you want to, right? You’re always there for me, I want to be there for you.”

Raven rests a hand on top of Murphy’s, a small smile crossing her face. “You are there for me.”

Murphy smiles, his heart thrumming in his chest. He’s still not used to the way Raven looks at him now. Like he means something to her, but more than in the normal way. It gives him hope that one day she’ll want to be with him for real.

Before Murphy can get too lost in Raven’s eyes, Bellamy slams his backpack down on the table and sits across them on the bench.

“If you two are through with the PDA, I’ll sit with you,” Bellamy says with a smirk.

Raven moves her hand from atop Murphy’s and sheepishly goes back to her sandwich. Murphy suppresses an eyeroll at Bellamy’s intrusion, but he knows his friend isn’t going to sit anywhere else.

“So. Party at Monty’s tonight,” he continues. “You going, Reyes?”

Raven perks up at this. “I want to. But only if I can convince this one to go with me.”

Murphy’s eyes widen. “You want _me_ to go to a party with you?”

“You never come. And Monty’s parties are always great. He makes a really good jungle juice, and Jasper has a great weed hookup with some college kid.”

Murphy stops to think about this for a moment. He’d be stupid to pass up free weed. And Raven’s been trying to convince him to come to parties all year. Maybe if he goes to this one she’ll finally stop.

He turns to look at her and sees she’s giving him her best puppy dog face. He suppresses a laugh, because she looks a little ridiculous, but also very cute. If Bellamy weren’t sitting across from them, he’d probably lean over and kiss her. But he’d rather not get made fun of right now.

“I guess that could be fun,” Murphy says.

Raven lights up. “Really?”

He nods. “Yeah. I guess I should experience at least one more wild high school party before we graduate.”

At that, Raven leans over and presses a quick kiss to Murphy’s cheek, despite Bellamy’s protests. Murphy knows his face is red, but he can’t bring himself to care. He just hopes he doesn’t regret this party later.

Murphy and Raven enter Monty’s house hand-in-hand. It’s unusual for them. People have always seen them as a unit. They’re ‘Murphy and Raven’. But they’re never ‘Murphy and Raven who hold hands.’ The two are different, and Murphy is just following Raven’s lead at this point, and if she wants to hold his hand in public, he’s going to damn well let her.

She leads him into the living room where Monty and Miller are holding court for beer pong. Raven let Murphy know on the way over that they’re the reigning champions. They say hello, then move on to the kitchen, greeting people they know as they go. If people are thrown by Murphy and Raven holding hands as they walk through Monty’s house, nobody really says anything. Murphy is probably the only one actually spending an absurd amount of time thinking about it. He can’t help but smile to himself though, that she’s allowing herself to be attached to him in this way, even if she won’t say so out loud.

Raven grabs two red solo cups and ladles them both half full with the punch. She hands one to Murphy.

He frowns. “That’s all?”

“Trust me, you won’t need more than that. It’s really strong,” Raven assures him.

Murphy takes a tentative sip, and though it mostly just takes like Hawaiian punch, he does taste the faint hint of alcohol underneath it all as it goes down. He scrunches up his face, but doesn’t care to complain, since it’s free.

“I’m gonna go talk to Harper, I’ll catch up with you later?” Raven asks.

“Yeah.”

She squeezes his hand and reaches up to press a quick kiss to his lips before heading off to the living room where Harper is sitting with Echo. Murphy stares after her for a moment, lost in the fact that she just kissed him in public. She’s been pretty affectionate tonight after what felt like ages of being distant. Maybe she’s changed her mind or is coming around to the idea of the two of them actually dating.

Murphy does a lap, scanning the house for someone he wants to talk to. He finds Bellamy standing against the wall on his own. He makes his way over to him, nodding his head in silent greeting, which Bellamy returns.

“Having fun?” Bellamy asks.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m here, aren’t I?” Murphy bites. He takes another sip of his drink.

“Relax, I’m just messing with you. It’s nice that you came.”

“I only did it for Raven.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s cute.”

Murphy rolls his eyes at Bellamy, but doesn’t say anything else. He stares off into the distance, watching Raven laugh with some of her other friends. She’s so much more in her element in this setting than he is. It’s a wonder she likes to spend time with him at all.

“So you guys are official, then?” Bellamy asks, breaking their silence.

Murphy turns to look at Bellamy, glad it’s too dark for him to see him blush. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“So you still haven’t talked about it?”

“I mean, I tried. But she doesn’t want to label it.”

Bellamy raises an eyebrow. “And you’re okay with that?”

“I am. I mean, she’s been pretty touchy tonight. So it’s not like she’s ashamed of me or doesn’t want people to know.”

“You should probably tell that to the guy that’s trying to get into her pants.”

Murphy frowns. “What?”

Bellamy points over to where Dax, an asshole from Murphy’s statistics class, has taken a seat next to Raven. He’s sitting rather close, his arm resting atop the couch and dangerously close to Raven’s shoulders. Something churns in Murphy’s stomach, as he remembers the main reason he avoids parties. He knows Raven would never hook up with Dax, especially after saying to Murphy that he’s the only one she’s hooking up with. He trusts her. But he doesn’t trust Dax.

Murphy downs the rest of his drink before pushing off the wall and walking in the direction of the couch. He approaches as Dax whispers something in Raven’s ear, and from the look on her face, it seems like she’s moments away from punching him in the face.

“What’s going on?” Murphy asks as he stops in front of them.

Dax and Raven both look up at him. Relief floods over Raven’s face, whereas Dax just looks annoyed.

“Murphy!” Dax shouts. “I never see you at parties.”

“Yeah, well I try to keep people on their toes. What are you guys talking about?”

“I was just telling Raven she looks good tonight,” Dax answers.

“And I was ending the conversation,” Raven chimes in. She stands up and Murphy instinctively wraps an arm around her waist once she’s next to him.

Dax looks between the two of them in confusion.

“I didn’t know you guys were a thing.”

“Yeah, well you do now,” Murphy says curtly. He looks at Raven. “Wanna go watch beer pong?”

“Please.”

With that, Murphy turns and leads them in the direction of the people crowded around the ping pong table. Raven leans into his touch, grounding him in the moment. Once they’re away from Dax, she reaches up and whispers in his ear.

“That was really hot,” she says.

Murphy grins. “Really?”

She nods, a fiery glint in her eye. “Wanna go somewhere more private?”

Murphy nods, and Raven pulls him through Monty’s house as they look for an empty room. The bathroom downstairs seems to be occupied, so she leads him up to the second floor. Murphy tries to put out of his mind that she seems to know Monty’s house so well as she tries different doors. Tonight she’s not hooking up with some other guy. She’s hooking up with him.

Eventually they find someone’s office, complete with a futon in the corner. Raven closes the door behind them and locks it before grabbing Murphy’s face in her hands and pulling him in for a heated kiss.

Her lips are insistent on his, as she quickly works her tongue into his mouth. It’s frenzied and deep, and Murphy has never wanted Raven more than he does in this moment. He walks them back to the futon so that Raven sits in his lap as they make out. After a while she pushes him onto his back and moves to kiss his neck, her hands skimming the bare skin underneath his t-shirt. Murphy catches his breath, realizing this might actually be the moment that he and Raven go further than kissing. In Monty’s dad’s office, the sounds of a raucous party below them. It’s not necessarily the setting he pictured having sex for the first time.

Raven must feel him tense up from beneath her, because she stops kissing his neck, a frown on her face as she checks in.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

He nods. “Yeah.”

“We can stop if you’re not ready.”

“No, it’s not that. I want to. I just don’t know how I feel about my first time being on the futon in Monty’s dad’s office.”

“We can go back to my house, if you want,” Raven suggests.

“What about your mom?”

“Please, she’s just sitting in front of the TV with the volume up super loud. And I know how to be quiet. You’re probably the liability in this instance.”

Murphy laughs, color rising to his cheeks again. “I’ll be quiet.”

Raven grins. “Okay. Let’s go.”

They fix their clothes before letting themselves out of the room, and out of Monty’s house. Raven practically breaks into a run as she leads Murphy down the street and back to her house. They laugh, the wind rippling through their clothes as they run faster and faster. Murphy is all sorts of nervous, but so excited at the same time. He’s even more excited at how eager Raven is to do this with him. Never in his wildest dreams would he have expected this to happen, and he’s still in disbelief that it’s about to. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

They’re out of breath as they near Raven’s house, but neither of them seem to care. Once they’re at her doorstep, Murphy pushes her up against the door, giving her a heated kiss. She smiles into it, and pulls away, resting her forehead on his.

“You’re sure about this?” she asks as they catch their breaths.

Murphy nods. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Raven nods back. “Okay.”

She digs in the pocket of her jacket for her house key, before turning it in the lock and letting herself inside. As she said at Monty’s, the television is on, the volume up very loud, and her mom is sitting on the couch in front of it.

“Hi, Mom!” Raven shouts, taking Murphy’s hand and starting up the stairs. She pauses and frowns when her mom doesn’t answer. Murphy frowns as well. She usually does at least say hello.

“Mom?” she calls again. She lets go of Murphy’s hand and walks back down the stairs and into her living room. Her face pales as she rounds the corner, and Murphy rushes down the stairs and into the living room to see what’s wrong.

Upon first glance, Raven’s mom just looks as though she’s asleep, but the fact that she looks paler than normal and the almost empty vodka bottle on the couch next to her would suggest otherwise. Murphy’s stomach drops and he’s frozen in his spot, unsure what to do. Raven rushes to her mom’s side and pats her cheek before checking her pulse.

She turns to Murphy, her eyes frantic and filled with tears. “Call 911!”

Murphy is broken out of his trance as he pulls out his phone and springs into action. He takes deep breaths so he can answer the operator’s questions, his mind scattered as he tries to recite Raven’s address. This wasn’t at all how he was expecting their night to go. He’s scared, but he swallows it down, because Raven needs him right now. Though her sobs are stifled, he can tell she’s terrified. He takes her hand and she immediately turns so that she’s crying into his shoulder. He knows he can’t shield her from everything and that this is something he can’t protect her from, but he does his best to be there for her as best as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ended on a rather angsty note, but those of you who know my writing know I do like to end my stories on a happier note, so things will look up eventually.
> 
> I still plan for this to be three chapters, though I might change my mind as I continue writing.
> 
> Thanks for reading! And if you'd like to send me a BLM prompt or you just want to chat, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I truly did not expect it to take me this long to update this fic, but I've had a very busy fall. But I'm back and I hope you guys enjoy the last chapter.

The next few hours pass by in a blur. Murphy rides with Raven in the ambulance to the hospital. She keeps her head on his shoulder the whole time, leaving Murphy’s shirt stained with tears by the time they get there, but he barely notices. He almost feels numb, not sure how he can best be there for Raven in this moment. He had no idea her mom was struggling again, and he wishes he had known, so he could’ve found a better way to help Raven through it. Maybe this is why she’d been so distant recently. Murphy feels like an idiot for thinking it had anything to do with him.

They sit in the waiting room in tense silence. Raven has finally stopped crying and she called her grandma about an hour ago. She lives two towns over and said she was on her way, so hopefully she’ll be there soon. Murphy doesn’t want to leave Raven alone, at least not until her grandma arrives. He turns to look at her. She’s staring at the ground, fiddling with her hands as if she needs something to keep herself occupied. Something twists in Murphy’s stomach, wishing he could do more to help, but all they can really do right now is wait.

“Do you need anything? I can get us coffee or a snack,” he says.

Raven shakes her head. “I’m not hungry.”

“You didn’t say your mom was having problems again.”

“It’s not really your business, is it?” she says curtly.

He ignores the way his heart drops at this. He knows she’s just scared and doesn’t mean to take it out on him.

“I know. But you’re my friend, Raven, and I just wanna be there for you.”

She doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare at the ground. Murphy looks to her, wanting so badly to say something else, but he knows that’s not the move. There’s not anything he can do.

“Raven?” a voice calls.

Murphy and Raven both turn in the direction of the voice. Raven’s grandma comes into the waiting room, and Raven runs to meet her. Her grandma pulls her into a hug, asking her a few questions.

“The last I heard she was getting her stomach pumped,” Raven explains. “I haven’t heard anything else in about an hour. I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Well why don’t we go to the desk now that I’m here and see if we can get an update,” her grandma says. She turns to where Murphy is still sitting in his chair. “Hello, John.”

Murphy stands up from his chair, walking over to greet her. “Hi, Mrs. Reyes.”

“Thank you for helping Raven until I was able to get here. You’re such a good friend to her.”

He nods. “I’m just trying to do what she would do for me.”

“Murphy was just leaving, Grandma,” Raven says.

Raven’s grandma frowns. “Shouldn’t he wait for one of his parents to come pick him up?”

“It’s late and they’re probably asleep. I wouldn’t want to bother them,” Murphy says.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. Or if you’d like to wait a little while longer, I can always drive you home.”

“Thank you, but that’s alright. I could use the walk.”

Raven’s grandma raises an eyebrow, but nods. “I’m going to ask about your mother, Raven.” She pats Murphy on the arm and goes up to the front desk to see if she can get any information.

Murphy takes Raven’s hand once her grandma has walked away. “Is everything okay?”

She laughs bitterly. “Clearly everything is not okay, Murphy.”

“I know, but Raven. It feels like you’re pushing me away.”

“Seriously? You want to get into this right now? My mom is getting her stomach pumped and you’re worried about whatever is going on between us?”

Murphy closes his eyes and takes a breath. This isn’t going well. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just mean, I want to be there for you, but how am I supposed to do that when you don’t tell me what’s going on? If you had talked to me about your mom, I could’ve found some way to help. You never let me in, but you don’t have to face everything alone.”

“How could you have helped? It’s not like you’re an addiction expert. And I don’t have to tell you shit. You’re not my fucking boyfriend!”

His heart drops at her angry words. She’s right. He’s not her boyfriend. But he at least thought that he was important to her. He’s still her best friend. Isn’t he?

Murphy nods. “You’re right. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m gonna go, but I hope your mom is okay. I guess I’ll see you at school.”

With that, Murphy turns and walks back down the hall and out of the hospital. Mercifully the tears welling up in his eyes don’t fall until he’s out in the parking lot, walking back in the direction of his house. Why does it feel like he just lost his best friend? He knows that Raven is just hurting, but she had to know how those words would make him feel. He’s not sure where they go from here.

Murphy does his best to enter the house quietly, since it’s so late. His parents both seem to be asleep, but he still tiptoes up to his room and flops down on his bed. He lies there in the dark, unable to sleep. He can’t stop hearing Raven’s words echo around in his head.

_You’re not my fucking boyfriend!_

He’s not sure why he got so comfortable with the idea of him and Raven being together. All signs pointed to them just kind of easily morphing into a relationship. According to Raven, that was never going to happen. He feels like such an idiot, and he also feels guilty for being so bent out of shape about this when Raven is going through something tough. He wants to be there for her, but it doesn’t seem like she wants to let him help. And there’s nothing he can do about it. He feels helpless, not ready to watch the most important friendship he’s ever had slip through his fingers all in the course of one unfortunate evening.

Murphy wakes up in the early afternoon on Saturday, though he doesn't’ feel rested in the slightest. He instinctively checks his phone for a text from Raven, but his heart drops when he sees he has no notifications. He’s not sure why he expected any sort of contact from Raven. She’s preoccupied and Murphy should just give her space. He has to remind himself that it’s not his business what she’s going through. No matter how much he wants it to be. He pulls himself out of bed and makes his way downstairs to find something to eat.

“Where were you last night?” his dad asks as he enters the kitchen.

“I was out with Bellamy,” Murphy responds, opening the fridge and getting out the milk.

“Care to explain what you were doing with Bellamy that had you out until past curfew?”

Murphy sighs. So someone did hear him come in.

“I just lost track of time. It won’t happen again.”

“Damn right it won’t. You’re grounded for a week. So no late night visits to Raven, either.”

“That won’t be a problem.”

“Don’t act smart, John,” his dad warns.

“I’m not being smart. I don’t think Raven’s talking to me right now.”

“What did you do?”

Murphy bites down his anger, knowing it won’t help to get riled up. Sometimes he swears his dad just says things to get a rise out of him. “I don’t know.”

“Even so, you’re still grounded. You go to school and you come straight home. Got it?”

“Got it.” Murphy takes his bowl of cereal and goes back to his room. He should have just stayed there.

Murphy doesn’t hear from Raven for the rest of the weekend. He didn’t expect to and knows she probably needs space, but it still hurts to not know what’s going on with her. Usually they’re so in sync, even when one of them is mad. But neither of them have ever been mad for this long. He wants nothing more than to be there for her, to give her a hug and sit with her while she breaks down, like she’s done for him in the past. But that’s not Raven. She doesn’t show her feelings, not even to him. Maybe he didn’t have as important a place in her life as he’d always thought.

He walks into the school building on Monday and spots Raven at her locker. Murphy takes a deep breath. He’s not sure if he should go up to her or not. What if she doesn’t want to talk to him? There’s so much left unsaid between the two of them, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to broach it yet. So he shakes his head and turns down the hall to go to his own locker.

“Are you and Raven good?” Bellamy asks as Murphy puts his things away.

“Couldn’t tell you,” Murphy says bitterly.

“Geez. What the hell happened when you guys left the party?”

“I don’t really wanna talk about it, Bellamy.”

Bellamy nods. “Okay. Didn’t mean to pry. Do you wanna study for chem later?”

“Can’t. I’m grounded.”

“Fuck. Sorry you had a shit weekend.”

Murphy shrugs. “Just another day of being John Murphy, I guess. It’s a really unfortunate life I lead.”

He starts to walk to his homeroom, but Bellamy grabs his arm, stopping him. Murphy turns back around to look at his friend.

“Are you okay? You seem like you’re leaning into the self-hatred more than normal.”

“I’m not okay. But there’s not really anything I can do about it right now.”

“Well if you and Reyes aren’t talking, I’m here if you need someone to listen.”

Murphy nods. “Thanks, man.”

Bellamy smiles and heads off in the opposite direction to his own homeroom. Murphy watches him go for a moment before going to class himself. He’s glad to have Bellamy as a friend, another person that actually cares about him. Especially when the person he thought cared about him most doesn’t seem to want to speak to him.

Murphy tries his hardest not to, but he has a miserable week. He’s never gone this long without speaking to Raven at all. It’s slowly killing him inside, but he’s not sure what to say to her at this point. She’s about as stubborn as he is, so he knows she needs to figure things out on her own before she talks to him again. He just hopes that the rest of the school year doesn’t pass before that happens.

Murphy’s mom mentions at dinner one night at the end of the week that Raven’s grandma is staying for a while, while her mom goes to rehab to seek treatment. Murphy lets out a small sigh of relief, glad that Raven’s mom is getting some help. He’s glad she’s mostly okay for now and that in the meantime someone is looking out for Raven. He takes solace in that, at least.

By Friday, Murphy is restless. His grounding is almost over, he just has one more day. But it occurs to him that he’s not sure what he’ll do once it’s over since he and Raven aren’t speaking. He could always go hang out with Bellamy, but that’s not the same. All Murphy wants is his best friend back.

He’s lying back on his bed after his parents have finally stopped screaming at each other for the night. He didn’t feel like drowning it out with music tonight, not wanting to get yelled at for having his radio up too loud. His ears are still ringing from some of their shouts, but thankfully they’ve both gone to bed. He doesn’t know what time it is, but he hears a knock at his window. Murphy frowns and turns to find Raven crouched on his roof landing. He gets up and goes to let her in.

“What are you doing here?” he whispers.

“Can I come in?”

“I’m technically grounded.”

She frowns. “What for?”

“Breaking curfew. But I think my parents are asleep, so you can come in.”

He extends his hand and she takes it as she lifts herself into the room. They stand there for a moment, just looking at each other, and Murphy hates how he can’t even feel the slightest bit mad at her. He just missed her and wants to know that she’s okay.

“Do you wanna sit down?” he asks, breaking their silence.

Raven nods. “Okay.”

He gestures to his bed, and they sit down together. Raven fiddles with her hands, avoiding Murphy’s gaze. There’s something on her mind, and he’s not sure he’ll ever figure out exactly what it is. It’s so strange to Murphy that his best friend can still remain such an enigma to him. He feels like he’s an open book, yet he’s still putting together the pieces of her.

“How’s your mom?”

“She’s gonna be okay, I think. She’ll be at a treatment center for at least a month, so my grandma is staying with me.”

Murphy nods. “That’s good. I’m glad that she’s gonna be alright.”

“Yeah. Why are you grounded for breaking curfew when you were with me?”

“I told my dad I was with Bellamy.”

“Why’d you lie about it?”

Murphy shrugs. “I don’t know. I was feeling a little off. I don’t think different circumstances would have changed the outcome, though.”

Raven nods, though she doesn’t say anything else.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you at the hospital,” she breathes after a moment.

Murphy turns to look at her. Her face is bathed in the moonlight and he can see how tired and sad she looks. His stomach churns, wondering what she’s been going through without him. He wishes he had been there for her, even though she probably wouldn’t have let him.

“You were just upset. It’s okay.”

“Murphy, no it’s not.” She rests her hand on top of his and Murphy didn’t realize how much he had missed the contact. “You were there for me in a really difficult moment and I pushed you away. I was scared, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you when you didn’t do anything. You were just caring about me.”

“I’ll always care about you, Raven.”

She shakes her head. “But I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not about what we deserve,” Murphy says. “I want to be there for you, Raven. It’s just hard when I don’t always know what’s going on. And it’s not like you have to tell me everything, because I know you’re not comfortable with that. But you can lean on me.”

“I know that. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I guess I’m just feeling a little guilty about everything. And I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”

“I could never think badly of you.” Murphy means it. Maybe it’s not the best mentality, but it’s the truth. He feels so deeply for Raven, even in her worst moments.

“I knew my mom had been having issues. I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten, though. But a couple of days before the party I found a wine bottle in the recycling. I confronted her about it, because I didn’t know she’d started drinking again. We got in a giant fight and I just wanted to avoid the house at all costs. I should’ve called my grandma right then. I don’t know why I waited for it to get worse. This is all my fault.”

Tears fall from Raven’s face and Murphy instinctively wraps his arms around her. She leans into his touch, allowing him to hold her as she breaks down.

“It’s not your fault, Raven,” Murphy reassures her. “If there’s anything I’ve learned from years of my parents fighting it’s that people make their own choices, and they have nothing to do with you. You’re not the reason your mom started drinking again.”

“But why couldn’t I have been the reason she stayed sober?” she gets out shakily.

Murphy’s heart breaks at his best friend’s words. He doesn’t know how to answer that, and he knows that Raven’s not one for hollow reassuring words. He just holds her tighter, wishing he could shield her from the pain she’s feeling.

Eventually they lie down, Murphy holding Raven close as she opens up, letting out everything that’s been on her mind. Murphy is slightly in shock that she’s telling him everything she’s telling him, but he takes it as a good sign. A sign that she still wants to be his friend and that he means something to her. He was a little worried that wasn’t the case anymore, but he’s glad that maybe they can get things somewhat normal again.

They fall asleep after Murphy’s not sure how long, but he blinks his eyes awake as he hears his mom rustling around in the kitchen downstairs, he knows he has to get Raven out of his room. She’s tucked into his chest, sleeping soundly. She honestly looked like she hadn’t been getting much sleep when she came to his window last night, so he’s glad that she’s gotten a little rest. But Murphy would rather not stay grounded, so she has to leave now.

“Raven,” he whispers as he shakes her awake.

Raven stirs quietly, opening her eyes and looking at him.

“We fell asleep. My parents are awake.”

Her eyes go wide as she sits up. “Shit.”

They both get off the bed, Murphy practically sprinting to the window. He unlatches it and Raven sticks a leg out before pausing and turning around again. She leans in and kisses Murphy on the cheek.

“Thank you. For listening.”

Murphy feels heat spreading across his cheeks. “Anytime.”

With that she lets herself out and makes her way back to her house. Murphy closes his window and sits back on his bed. He’s glad that he and Raven are talking again and though he’s still not completely sure where they stand, he can’t stop smiling. He has his best friend again, and that’s all that matters.

**______________________**

Things go back to normal between Murphy and Raven over the next couple of months. Normal meaning, they don’t make out anymore. But something new has come out of it, which is Raven sharing her feelings more often. So even though Murphy was a little sad that the new part of their relationship ended somewhat abruptly and without much resolution or closure, he was excited that she felt like she could open up to him, even if he didn’t always have the right words to say. He was just glad to be able to lend an ear. It was a step in the right direction, and that’s all Murphy could ask for.

Of course there are moments where Murphy aches for them to be able to get back to when they were slightly more than friends. They had been on the brink of something that Murphy could almost taste, something he thinks could have been great if they had given it a chance. He’s much more of a romantic than Raven is. He’s considered bringing it up a few times, wanting to at least talk about it, since they never got the chance to when everything happened with Raven’s mom. But just as the words have been on the tip of his tongue he chickens out, thinking better of messing with the good place they’ve gotten to. Through all of this Murphy has realized that his friendship with Raven is something he doesn’t want to lose, and so he’s content to just be friends.

Things start to change as college acceptances come out. Murphy doesn’t get outright rejected from Stanford, much to his surprise, but instead makes the wait list.

“You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for!” Raven says when he tells her.

“I guess,” he says, ignoring the way his heart skips a beat at her excitement.

“We have to celebrate. Let’s get McDonald’s and go to the beach!”

“I’d like that. More celebration than my parents will give me, that’s for sure.”

Raven pats his shoulder, giving him a sad smile. “Parents are weird.”

Murphy chuckles, glad he has someone to commiserate with. Raven’s mom has been home for a few weeks now, and it sounds like she’s doing alright for the most part, though she’s very distant. Her situation is a little different, since her mom is dealing with addiction and his parents are just assholes. But it feels good to not have to go through family issues alone. No matter what the world throws at him, he’s always got Raven to lean on.

They go to the beach on a Saturday. It’s April now and a nice evening, so they sit slightly closer to the water. They munch on their french fries, watching as the sun begins to set.

“It’s kind of crazy, don’t you think?” Raven asks, looking out into the ocean.

Murphy frowns, turning to look at her. “What’s crazy?”

“That we’re graduating soon. It feels like senior year just started a couple weeks ago. Wish I’d spent more time cherishing it while it happened.”

“Yeah. But college will probably be better. No supervision. No weird parents.”

“That’s true. But I won’t have you around all the time anymore.”

Warmth floods Murphy’s chest at Raven’s admission. She’s not one to get sentimental and hearing her say out loud that she’ll miss him means a lot more than she knows.

“I won’t be that far. Just a car ride away, really. And my parents may suck, but at least they promised me a car as a graduation present.”

“That’s weirdly nice of them.”

“Nah, they probably just think it makes up for being shitty parents. But I can come pick you up at Stanford. And we can come here, maybe?”

Raven smiles. “I’d like that.”

“You can rant about all your professors, and I’ll tell you all the new ways I’m figuring out how to bullshit my way through my English classes.”

“Murphy if you’re gonna be an English major, I don’t think you should bullshit your way through the classes.”

“I’m kidding,” he says. “I’ll try. Just for you.”

She laughs, standing up and extending a hand to him. He takes it and stands up, letting her lead him out to the water. They get their feet wet, letting the waves lap around their legs. It’s a little chilly, but not an uncomfortable temperature.

“Let’s dance,” Raven says, grabbing his other hand.

Murphy laughs. “There’s no music.”

“That’s no reason to not dance.”

Raven lifts his arm so she can twirl herself under it. Murphy chuckles, humoring her as they dance and splash in the water together. For a moment Murphy is able to forget the impending sense of finality that washes over all of their interactions lately the closer they get to the end of the school year. Their dancing devolves into a splash fight, Murphy eventually picking Raven up so she stops getting him wet. She screams with laughter as he spins around with her. He puts her down, though she delivers one last blow by kicking water onto his rolled up jeans.

“You’re a menace!” he shouts.

Raven simply smiles up at him. For the first time in a while, Murphy is oddly aware of their close proximity and his heart beats almost too loudly in his chest. He notices Raven’s eyes flick to his lips. He wants to kiss her, he really does. But he’s not sure he can do this again if they’ll just end like they did the first time.

“Raven,” he mumbles.

“Yeah?” she asks, almost in a whisper.

“What are we doing?”

“I just really wanna kiss you.”

“I really wanna kiss you, too,” Murphy admits.

Raven nods, standing on her toes to lean in, but Murphy stops her.

“But I don’t want you to kiss me just because you want to kiss someone.”

“Murphy, I want to kiss _you_.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “I like you. I only want to kiss you.”

His eyes widen and his stomach flips at her admission. He searches her eyes to make sure this isn’t a joke.

“You like me?” he parrots back, still in disbelief.

“Yeah. I like you. And I know I’m not the best at expressing it. When I was pushing you away earlier this year, it wasn’t just because of stuff going on with my mom. It’s because I realized how much I like you and I got scared. But I don’t want to be scared. I just want you.”

“What about all that stuff you said before? About how we won’t be around each other all the time anymore?”

“Are you trying to talk me out of kissing you?” she asks with a frown.

“No, no! We can kiss.”

Raven chuckles before wrapping her arms around Murphy’s neck and kissing him. It’s much softer than a lot of the kisses he found himself in with Raven a couple months ago, but he doesn’t mind. The world melts away around them as Murphy holds Raven close, the butterflies in his stomach aflutter. He almost can’t believe this is happening.

Murphy pulls away. “Just to be clear, I like you, too.”

She smirks. “I know.”

“We should talk more about this later, but I’m cool to just make out for now. I forgot how nice it is, kissing you.”

Raven throws her head back in a fit of laughter and Murphy doesn’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful. She leans in to kiss him again.

Murphy isn’t one to believe in fate or anything like that. His luck is way too shitty for that. But he’s glad that some higher power or whatever the fuck led him to Raven Reyes. He’s not completely sure what the future holds for them, but he knows for certain that he doesn’t plan to let her go any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think.
> 
> As I've mentioned before Murven is not my primary ship, but I do enjoy writing different dynamics than I'm used to! I don't tend to come up with Murven ideas organically so if you have an AU Murven idea that you'd like me to write, you can always prompt me through t100 Fic for BLM. Check out [our carrd](https://t100fic-for-blm.carrd.co/) for more info! And also check out my AO3 to get a sense for the things I normally write. 
> 
> And as always, come find me on [Tumblr](https://queenemori.tumblr.com/) if you have questions.


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